May’s Buzz:

COURTING THE MOOSE
(Copyright 2002)

By
Guest columnist, Lee Rosenthal
(Lee is a writer, performer and film executive, living in Los Angeles)

Courting the Muse is an activity reserved for those days when writing doesn’t come easy -- when the intent is there but the passion somehow eludes you, making the hard work of fleshing out a script seem impossible. That’s where the Muse comes in handy, and courting her becomes the central objective of the afternoon. It’s a writer’s way of jumpstarting the inspiration, perfect for those moments when clichés abound and cranking out even the simplest turn of phrase is a painful process.

Courting the Moose is Kathy’s misinterpretation of this concept -- either having heard it wrong or punning intentionally. Still, I’ve found purpose in both Muse and Moose, and almost prefer the visual corniness of turning to the large, brown oaf of a Moose for inspiration than to the willowy, mythical sister Muse.

Of course there are those occasional, preferred days when the writing is on automatic. Bits of dialogue and divine passages of unparalleled greatness strike even before waking hours. The writer stirs, wakes prematurely, and sits at his keyboard. The rest is ecstasy.

But when those more familiar mornings strike, it’s time to court the muse. This often begins with a trip through the CD shelf for a divine musical cue from Ella Fitzgerald, Cole Porter, or K.C. and the Sunshine Band (for those more retro mornings). If the Muse remains unstirred amidst the litter of compact disc jewel boxes, she can always be awakened by a rush of endorphins.

A trip to the gym, a walk to the grocery store: they’re all clever exercises with the hope of arousing the Muse. And how healthwise; a fit body, a fit mind. It does a script good.

But when the mechanical sweat fails to inspire the mental variety, the next turn is chemical. A good kick of caffeine in the form of coffee or diet soda, and the traditional, healthy tempting of the Goddess Muse soon turns into a sugar, caffeine, any-kind-of-cookie-high frenzy. Chocolate (a sole brownie at first), then a strong dose of carbohydrates (alternating bags of tortilla chips and sour cream and onion chips), and a healthy six-pack of inspiration (the sugar-free, soft-drink variety).

The Moose has struck. Maybe he misheard your callings as well and came in lieu of the Muse herself. The evening often ends in a flourish of discarded cupcake wrappers and crumpled sheets of legal paper. The courting process, though not entirely successful, has left you once again with the wrong date -- but invites you to start fresh again the next morning.